Cannon's Third Birthday!

March 1 2013

Three years ago today I would have never believed how my life would change so much.   I remember being awakened in my sleep from a very hard contraction.  The contractions weren’t too frequent at first but they came hard and I knew something was happening. I remembered as each contraction hit, I had a feeling that my little Cannon and I were working together.  I felt as if we were on a team, “If he could handle the pain, then so could I.”  From before he was born, he was given me strength I never believed I had.  He has been an example to me of courage.  When I woke up this morning, I went into where Cannon was sleeping and looked at his perfect face as he slept.  He always looks so peaceful and “normal” when he sleeps.  I watched him as I remembered the feelings I had of him pushing me to be strong through labor and delivery and I quietly thanked him for making that birth day more perfect than I ever imagined it to be.  I think I’d always wanted a “natural” birth but not enough to vocalize it or chance not getting the epidural.  With Cannon, it just happened that way.  We worked together as a team and I gathered strength from his amazing spirit.  As the last three years have gone by, I have been knocked to the ground more times than I can count with milestones missed, abnormal blood tests, concerning brain scans, etc.  For awhile I was in a dark place.  On the surface, and to the world, maybe I seemed to be handling it well but I was not.  Now, on his third birthday, I feel like we have come full circle with the new life we never thought was our future.  Future.  I used to hate that word after we first learned the word Menkes.  Now I am okay with it, I look forward to it.  The future doesn’t have to be next year, or ten years.  Our future is as far as tomorrow and with it comes new blessings that I am unworthy to receive.  Tonight we celebrated, as we have since his first birthday, with wish lanterns.  It was overwhelming to see the dozen of people come to show their love and support for Cannon and for our family.  As the lanterns were lit one by one, the Weaver’s back yard grew brighter and brighter.  The music on the slideshow was playing “fix you” as we released the beautiful warm globes of light into the starry sky.  The theme for the party this year was “I love you to the Moon and Back”.  It had been a cloudy, and very windy day, but for this hour that we celebrated, the wind settled down and the stars came out to see the lanterns.  Earlier in the day, I asked Cannon if he could put in a special request for the wind to cease during the party so the beautiful paper stars in the trees that I had hung would look perfect.  He focused on my gaze, which is rare and special, and I knew he was gently reminding me that the wind, or lack of, was not important.  I was blessed enough to have my baby- my little boy- still with me to celebrate yet another year.  My parents are here, my sister Camille and my brother Greg drove up with my nieces Morgan, Afton and my nephew Miles to celebrate with us. The Weavers have been so gracious to open their home to us for the party, Brittany and Reagran have been like sisters in helping me plan, prepare and set up for this day that means so much to all of us.  I knew at that moment that I didn’t care if the wind blew the paper stars out of the trees- today was already perfect.  As usual though, tender mercies were once again upon our family, the wind stopped during the party and the air was comfortable.  I scanned the many people at the party and I would be ungrateful not to take a moment to put onto paper how thankful I am for the blessings in my life.  I feel so undeserving.  As I looked at each guest one by one, my heart grew more and more warm and grateful for the trials in our lives that give us a chance to be courageous and to help us to grow.  I am such a better person for having Cannon in my life, for having each of my children.  I am a better person because I am surrounded by people that love with all of their hearts and make our lives complete. I am happy we are in Sunnyside at this time in our lives.  The people here just carry us through and I know that the Lord is mindful of me, of Cannon, and of my family.  Today was a beautiful day and I couldn’t ask for anything more.  It is now after midnight and no longer March 1 and no longer Cannon’s birthday.  On his first birthday I was convinced that would be the only one I would get to celebrate with him on this earth.  On his second birthday I was thankful that we had one more year with him. Today I am overjoyed that this miracle of a third birthday was truly something I wouldn’t even let myself dream of.  He is doing so well these days and looking more alert and happier than ever and I am already looking forward to birthday number four!  I go to bed now with a head swimming of beautiful twinkling memories and a heart about to explode.  Good night.  No- the very best night I’ve known.