Weakness

The Lord GAVE me weaknesses? Not only do I have them, but was GIVEN them by the Lord? At first I don't understand. I look at Cannon and see him struggle to breathe in his sleep, his most "peaceful" state, and I am sure I am not strong enough to do this. I see other kids his age and I notice things I never did before. Sure, the obvious- walking, babbling, playing, and throwing tantrums but I am talking about cognitive thinking, figuring out, exploring, making sense of action and reaction. I know my Bubby is perfect and I am humbled to be his mom- it is that which leads me to say that I am not strong enough. Cannon is the most purest person I have had the privilege of knowing. He is my true north- my constant. How are you supposed to watch the most sacrificing person suffer? I am embarrassed to put this in writing, but I want to be real. I am okay and I am not about to go crazy (today), I just want my children to know who I am and how I made it (for better or worse) through my trials and blessings. I feel ungrateful by having these thoughts, but there they are- my ugly thoughts. Now that I have said that, I cannot stop writing without adding that I do know we are GIVEN weaknesses for a reason, to become STRONG. Whether I like it or not I am weak, I am broken, I am tired but because of that I am growing, I am strengthening (some days better than others) and I am become more alert to the meaning of this life and the struggles we are given. I am aware and thankful of the blessings and strengths I have been given to help me overcome my trials and weaknesses. I am grateful for the love and support I have from so many. I am thankful for the comfort of the Holy Ghost to give me the courage to move forward in faith. There is so much more swirling around in my mind but the "peaceful" state has passed and Cannon is needing me.