As I watched Ella tonight trying her best to read “Dick and Jane” tonight I thought back to when Ethan was first starting to read. He learned to read with that same book. Then it hit me. Ella is my “baby” in many ways. She will be my last child to reach these type of milestones. When you have are raising the last of your children, and see them taking their first steps or watch them ride their bike for the first time, you think to yourself “my baby is growing up. This is the last time my child will ride his/her bike for the very first time on her own." and other such examples. Ella will be my last child that learns to read from the “Dick and Jane” books. I know I have Cannon as my literal baby, but in this aspect- I want to make sure that I pay attention to these milestones as Ella reaches them. I want to savor them as a mother would, watching her last child that will do these things. There are many phases I won’t be doing again. I won’t have to potty train again, I won’t have to leave play group because my child bit another child (I hope), I won’t be going to anymore preschool graduations, and I will not have another child reach the golden age of 18 months old when they finally get to go to nursery at church. Of course this absolutely does NOT make me love Cannon any less, it doesn’t really even make me any more sad about Cannon than I already am (which I must say my sadness has turned mostly into gratitude for my sweet little angel boy. I'm the luckiest person in the world to have him in my life). I just want to make sure I watch Ella and celebrate these accomplishments with her. As she progresses to new stages in her life, so am I. I am graduating from a mom with a toddler, a mom with a preschooler, to a mom with a school girl that can walk, run, dance, read, and ride horses (fearlessly!). I love my Ella and want her to know that. I have been given an incredible gift to cherish EVERY SINGLE MOMENT I have with Cannon. I truly feel I don’t take ANY of my time for granted with Cannon. I am thankful to know that I love Cannon with all my heart and have no regrets about all that I have done for him up to this point in his life. I do, however, need to remind myself that life is not guaranteed to any of my children. Tomorrow is not a promise. I need to see Ethan and Ella’s lives as fragile and sacred as I see Cannon’s. My goal is to always tell my children- ALL of them- how much I love them on a daily basis. I need to let them know that when I say, “I am so lucky to have you,” that they know how deeply I feel it. Tonight my heart is thankful to be a mom. My heart is happy. My heart is full of love.
4 comments:
Such a sweet post. I, too, remember when Ethan was reading the Dick and Jane book. That little boy seems like only yesterday. Now you can talk to him just like a teenager. Life goes along so quickly. I don't know where the years went when I was doing the same with my children. You are so fortunate to have those feelings of gratitude and understanding of how important milestones are in the lives of your children, and you and Kent as parents. Your thoughts were so special. Thanks for sharing.
Sounds like a good time to go read "You're All My Favorite" :)
Very well-said.
I totally understand what you mean. Why is it I have found the simple stages of Liam's developement more astounding than I did with London. It isn't that I love her less, but I took all of it for granted. With Liam, he will definitely be my last child I birthed. Whether the time comes that we are supposed to adopt, then so be it and I will love those stages as well, but as for now I need to stop and smell those roses before my kids have all grown up. Even if his roses are still peices of gross smelling poop in his diapers. WHY WON'T HE POTTY TRAIN! LOL! I love you NAT! Always have and always will!
this post made me cry so much Natalie because that is exactly how I feel about my boys. It is so easy to focus all of the uncertainty to Evan and trust that Landon will be just fine, but the truth is that life is never certain (healthy or not).
I had a xmas card for you, but I lost my box and haven't found it yet. I just wanted you to know that we love you and if I find the cards you just might get a valentines day card from us.
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